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She seemed fine during the engagement. Maybe even charming. But now you’re married and she’s treating your house like it’s hers, your spouse like they’re still twelve, and you like you’re an interloper in her bloodline.
Here’s your six-step program for strategic mother-in-law removal.
1. The Disappearing Act
Begin by convincing everyone that it’s just not working out between your spouse and their mom. Complain about her alleged misdeeds, like pilfering food from the fridge, leaving messes, and avoiding housework. Your spouse might start to resent their mother, making them more likely to help you in your quest for freedom.
2. The Unwelcoming Home
Never invite your mother-in-law over. If she tries to visit, claim your house is too small and lacks room for additional guests. This tactic won’t last forever, but it’s a temporary escape that buys you time to plan your next move.
3. The Exclusive Brunch Club
Stop inviting her to family events. Instead, boldly suggest brunch with just the two of you and some of your friends. She’ll eventually get the hint that she’s not wanted and stop attending altogether.
4. The Purge
Remove all traces of your mother-in-law from your home. If she gave you a wedding present, sell it online and treat yourself to something you genuinely want. Dispose of any cards she sent and pack away any items that remind you of her. Out of sight, out of mind!
5. The Anti-Mother-in-Law Squad
Make friends who are vastly different from your mother-in-law. Talk up how fantastic your friend Helen is, making your spouse appreciate your relationships even more. This might lead them to question why their mother doesn’t like you, further driving a wedge between them.
6. The Independence Ploy
Wean your spouse off emotional dependence on their mom. By eliminating any need for them to spend time together, they’ll drift apart naturally. And once she’s out of the picture, your partner will have no one to rely on but you!
